"Lasting relationships can only be built when we stop hiding and become transparent with others."

I had a conversation with a CEO recently that's stuck with me. His business was struggling, his team was disengaged, and he couldn't understand why.

"I've given them everything," he said. "Good salaries, nice offices, clear targets. What more do they want?"

The answer, it turned out, was simple: they wanted him. Time with him. To know him. The real him, not the polished version he presented in meetings.

The Hiding Game

"When we don't feel good about ourselves, we use things like busyness and blame to hide behind."

We've all been there. That moment when vulnerability feels too risky, so we put on the professional mask instead. We hide our uncertainties behind jargon, our fears behind false confidence, our humanity behind hierarchy.

After decades of working with leaders, the great and the struggling I’ve concluded that the mask doesn't protect you - it isolates you.

Research from Brené Brown shows that leaders who demonstrate vulnerability are seen as more trustworthy, more approachable, and more effective. When we stop pretending to have all the answers, people start bringing us their real problems.

The Lies We Tell

"The biggest lies we tell are the lies we tell ourselves."

I see this in coaching sessions all the time. Leaders who insist everything's fine while their businesses crumble around them. Teams who nod along in meetings then complain in the corridor afterwards. We are the easiest person for us to lie to.

The cost of this self-deception is enormous. When we can't be honest about our challenges, even to ourselves, we can't address them. When we can't admit our mistakes, we can't learn from them.

I remember working with a family business where the father refused to acknowledge that his son wasn't ready for succession. Everyone else could see it - customers, staff. Well maybe less so the son. The real challenge was the father's inability to face this truth and it nearly destroyed the company.

The Power of "I Don't Know"

How long has it been since you admitted an error? And said, 'I was wrong; it was my fault'? Lonely, isn't it?" Or even. “Good question. I don’t know the answer.”

The three most powerful words in leadership aren't "I know best" - they're "I don't know."

When a leader admits uncertainty, something magical happens. The team stops waiting for instructions and starts contributing solutions. The pressure to be perfect lifts, and the focus shifts to being effective.

I've seen this transformation countless times. The moment a leader says, "I'm not sure how to handle this - what do you think?" the whole dynamic changes. People lean in instead of backing away.

Building Trust Through Truth

"People are more willing to listen to those who earn the right to speak."

Trust isn't built through perfection - it's built through consistently doing your best, your all – even if that doesn’t always go well. Go showed up. You put in 100%. When your actions match your words, when your public face aligns with your private reality, people start to believe in you.

“You talk-talks. And your walk-talks. While your talk-talks louder than your walk-talks”

This doesn't mean sharing every personal detail or airing all your doubts in public. It means being genuine about your intentions, honest about your limitations, and transparent about your decision-making process. Honesty and openness are different. You cannot be 100% open, while you can ensure that every thing you say is 100% truthful.

I worked with a manufacturing company where the MD started sharing monthly updates about the business's financial position - the real numbers, not the sanitised version. Initially, people were shocked. Then they were grateful. Then they started contributing ideas for improvement.

The Vulnerability Paradox

"Insecurity destroys your self-esteem by making you feel unqualified and undeserving. Insecurity often means you can't be taught, can't accept honest criticism, and therefore you can't grow."

Here's the paradox: the more secure you are in yourself, the more you can afford to be vulnerable. The more vulnerable you are, the more secure your relationships become.

Insecure leaders need to be right all the time. Secure leaders need to be effective all the time. There's a big difference.

When you stop needing to be the smartest person in the room, you can start building the smartest team in the market.

Making It Real

So how do you build transparency into your leadership?

Start small. Share a challenge you're facing. Ask for input on a decision. Admit when you've made a mistake. Start keeping the commitments you make to yourself. Only make commitments, even to yourself that you are determined to live by.

Listen more than you speak. "To answer before listening - that is folly and shame." Real transparency is a two-way street and the on-coming traffic usually has priority.

Create safe spaces. If you want people to be honest with you, you need to make it safe for them to do so. No blame, no punishment, no passive-aggressive responses. Protect absent. Stand up for the person who is not in the conversation.

Be consistent. Transparency isn't a one-off gesture - it's a daily practice. People need to know they can count on your authenticity. Slow is fast with people.

The Ripple Effect

"We hate others when we hate ourselves. We forgive others when we forgive ourselves."

The beautiful thing about transparency is that it's contagious. When you model openness, others follow. When you create space for honesty, people fill it. When you start protecting the absent people stop talking behind people’s back and start dealing with issues properly.

I've watched teams transform when their leader stops pretending to be perfect. Suddenly, everyone's allowed to be human. If mistakes are seen as bad and we always get a beating when things go wrong, we start hiding things. Things don’t improve, If mistakes and non-conformance are seen as opportunities to improve and improvement as normal, problems get solved faster because they're acknowledged sooner. Innovation increases because people aren't afraid to suggest "stupid" ideas.

The companies that thrive in the next decade won't be the ones with the most polished leaders - they'll be the ones with the most authentic ones.

Ready to build stronger relationships through transparency? Our leadership coaching programmes help you develop the confidence to be vulnerable and the skills to build trust. Because the best leaders aren't the ones who hide their humanity - they're the ones who use it.

#CEOcoaching  #LeadershipVulnerability #BusinessRelationshipBuilding #ManagementTransparency